she woke up with a sticky ear
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
