Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
