These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize