I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
