dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
