Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
