btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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