I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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