if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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