Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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