Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
