My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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