The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
