Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
