dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
