ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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