So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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