I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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