He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
