i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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