I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
