i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
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