Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
