I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
