whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
