I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
