I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize