I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
