you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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