its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
COCAINE IS GR8
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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