I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
