My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
