Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
