I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
