me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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