we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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