You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
