after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
