Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
