U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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