feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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