I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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