There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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