I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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