I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
