Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
