Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
