physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
