Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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