My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I did not marry a roomba.
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