How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The air taste purple.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
