The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
