please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
