Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize