I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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