quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
