My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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