I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize