i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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