I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
