when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize