now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
