dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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