i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
