I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
