There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
