I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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