worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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