You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
