2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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