Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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