HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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