I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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