just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
