Your dad touched me again.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
smell my finger.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
