It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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