I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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