I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize