do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
