ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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