I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
