She is in my trunk
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
my liver is dry heaving
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
