end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i came on her dog
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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