When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
