Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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