i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
