I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
