Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
