THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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