He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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