Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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