DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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