but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
