When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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