he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
