1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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