People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize