i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
