i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
