They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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