i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
