if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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