It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
