So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize
