I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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