My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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