I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
